Names Have Been Changed To Protect the Idiots
it didn’t work out with Rob
because he had two lovers already
it didn’t work out with Tino
because he lived with his mother
it didn’t work out with Paul – he died
didn’t work out with Barry
because I wasn’t fat enough
Yves because I had a life of my own
Charlie – I chipped a tooth on his PA
didn’t work out with Allan he thought
I was only into him because he was black
with Leroy because I couldn’t stand Friends
Gary because I made him feel stupid
Peter wanted to move in after 3 weeks
Hank because I wasn’t needy enough
with Zak because I didn’t party all night
Neil because I was too available
John because I wasn’t grateful enough
with Tim because he didn’t have a job
with Phil because his meds kicked in
at all the wrong times
with Reg because he was never on time
Greg because I couldn’t read his mind
with Bruce because
I didn’t know enough about Judy
with Anton I didn’t want to get tied up
with Marv because he was a lawyer
QMaxx because I wasn’t trendy
Don because I had so little body hair
with Keith my dick wasn’t uncut
Richie didn’t find me sympathetic enough
Stan wanted me to swallow even though he didn’t
Jim didn’t give me a working phone number
Dave had to work two jobs
to make his support payments
Craig because I was too spiritual
with Darren because
he was a compulsive liar
so maybe we are still together
Sebastian because I wasn’t The One
Janet I’m not really into women
Wally because he snored
Lance there was nothing outside the bedroom
Chris preferred cologne to soap
Brad because he was only gay
when he’d had a few
Trevor because I was as old as
his Dad and that was way too creepy
Daniel because he didn’t get this poetry thing
– Duncan Armstrong
To read other poems by Duncan, click on the links below: